World Cup Goalkeepers Asking For Goals to Be Bigger

Everybody Soccer is a site that mostly covers non-fiction goalkeeping events. Occasionally we’ll see a satirical piece to offer some more variety, like this article here as well as some interviews with MLS goalkeepers from the past couple years. All quotes here are fictitious. Cover photo from Slate.com.


After a stunning display against defending champions the United States, Chilean goalkeeper Christiane Endler sparked some controversy with her post-game remarks.

“It was a good game. I felt really confident with how I played. But to be honest I would have liked to see what I can do with a bigger goal.”

The US jumped out to an early lead, scoring three goals just 35 minutes into the game. On the heels of a new World Cup scoring record of 13 in the previous game against Thailand, it looked like the US was pushing for another double-digit scoreline. However Endler had other plans, repeatedly turning down scoring chance after scoring chance.

“There was one save I had in the second half, against Christen Press, where I had the shot covered so well I started thinking, ‘You know, the Texas state flag does look a lot like ours. I wonder if that was on accident or if they’re just big fans.’ And then I made the save.”

Chile isn’t the only country who has displayed great goalkeeping this world cup; Jamaica boasted newcomer Sydney Schneider, who quickly made her name known after her performance against Brazil. The nineteen-year-old’s showing went viral after the collegiate-athlete shut down a number of dangerous opportunities for the Brazilians, despite the loss.

Jamaican goalkeeper Sydney Schneider will return to UNC Wilmington this fall, where much controversy surrounds the height and width of the Seahawks’ goal frames.

Jamaican goalkeeper Sydney Schneider will return to UNC Wilmington this fall, where much controversy surrounds the height and width of the Seahawks’ goal frames.

“In college, we play with the same size goals,” Schneider said. “They’re 8 feet high. I thought at the World Cup we’d be playing on bigger goals. I was actually a little disappointed to see they were the same size.”

Not to be outdone, veteran goalkeeper Vanina Correa has made Argentina proud after allowing only one goal against Japan and England, two teams who finished second and third in the 2015 edition of the World Cup.

Correa shares what has made her so successful this summer, “I can save most high shots by sticking my hands up. And for the ones I can’t quite get by standing, I just jump. The goals could be bigger. Japan and England could certainly use the help.”

But not everyone is in favor of the new change. Italian goalkeeper Laura Giuliani has spoken out that there would be some unintended consequences if the goal dimensions were adjusted.

“If we make the goal bigger, the nets won’t fit. And then we’ll have some really big problems on our hands,” Giuliani said.